Blabber Mouth - 200 metres of fun - sanook mak mak

Just yesterday I embarked on one of my hair brain journeys. My friend and I travelled out to the Glasshouse mountains to send the classic Blabber Mouth. A nice grade 16 multipitch climb. It has 7 pitchs with bolts most of the way through the climb. Like many other easy climbs at Tibro there are sections of limited protection. Places where a fall could really mean trouble for your day half way up a 200 metre climb. But to me this all adds to the excitment.

I woke late at 0730 and quickly grabbed all my gear I had prepared the night before. My excitment was building as it had been many months since I had visited Tibro. I was looking forward to the adventure and fascination of being half way up a mountain. It is a sureal expirience and really puts you out of common surroundings. Humans were never meant to survive in a vertical environment. I got to My mates place by about 0830 and waited for him to ready himself for the days endurance activity.

We reached the mountain by about 1030 and started climbing at 1100. I did the first 3 pitchs and my mate did the next 2. I did the 6th and he did the 7th in true style as there is no protection at all for this 25 metre pitch. A complete solo but the grade is only 10 so it's not so couragous. That being said, you never know when a rock will come off in your hand and send you packing down to your demise. I love it more than you can imagine. Living out there on the edge. It keeps the blood moving.

We were behind scheduale and true Nengi form we completed the climb just as the sun was going down. It gives a great opportunity for some nice sunset photography at 200 metres above the ground. The real issue at hand though is that we have to climb down about 300 metres of 50 degree rock on the other side of the mountain to get back to the bottom. We had 1 head lamp between the 2 of us but managed to reach the bottom unscathed.

All in all it was a 12 and a half hour day from start to finish and now I am back here working my little butt off as usual. I can't wait till next weekend. I'm heading back to Mt Maroon. Should be very interesting. Hopefully I don't have the same results as my last trip to Maroon (traversing the side of the mount, searching for the tourist trail). Should be great anyway.

So now I am waiting again

So now I am waiting. I have been back in Australia for over a month now. Things seem to be starting to look up. Well, for now that is. I still have a lovely gal whom I would love to see educate herself here in Brisbane. She is happy, healthy and has had some fortunate luck with current job opportunities. My occupation here in Brisbane is starting to flourish and I'm sure it will be only to soon before I am up to my neck in paper work. Finally, I have a new house mate and he is from Malaysia. I look forward to learning something about his culture and I am sure he will learn something from living within mine.

My most recent endeavor has been to make contact with my father. It has been sometime since we have spoken and I am uncertain about what our future holds. We have much to catch up on and I hope we can still have some sort of father-son relationship. Many times I have thought about my father - usually on a daily basis. I feel that our lack of contact has been the cause of much distress to myself. I still feel the impact of this distance, even though it may seem be hidden at the bottom of my emotional being. My instinctive urge to have a father is really quite strong and I feel asthough I can possibly find some sort of resolution to our past issues.

My father was always a fairly cold man. With a hectic work schedule and, possibly, unsavoury childhood came a fairly impersonal father. He was never an emotionally conscious person and usually showed his love by emphasising the need for my brother and I to make something of our lives. My personal opinion was that he looked at happiness in the shape of dollar bills and respectability. Obviously that didn't go down well when I started smoking pot. But that was not the reason we stopped communicating. I would rather keep out of it now. Actually I have a feeling I may have covered some of the details in my first couple of posts. At any cost he was not like most fathers. But that does not change the way I feel about him. He is my father and I will love him like any child loves those that have given them life.

So admittedly I am delving into an area that is probably best left out of the international lime light. Let it be known that my compultion to speak these words is simply because I have felt the strong urge to voice my opinion and tell my stories ever since I ceased talking with my father. So I ask you father to be kind and loving and don't break my heart again. I am only human and this heart will not hold well if broken too many times.

My trip to Thailand seemed to teach me a thing or two about family values. Regardless of what your family has done in the past you must accept them for what and who they are. They are your blood line and you can never forget that. Nor can you ignore them, hoping they will vanish into the abyss. So I will try hold onto those family values and try to forget, or atleast put aside, my grievances until an appropriate time. Ofcourse I have wounds that I feel need healing but I would much rather rekindle my relationship with my father so I can one day live in harmony (metaphorically speaking) with my father and the rest of my family for that matter.

This knot in my stomach is growing as we speak. I am once again facing an unknown variable in this life. Anyone would think I was getting used to it but, as it seems, I am not. This knotting slowdown in my sense of time can make work difficult but I must remember there are two sides to life: hygiene needs (food, clothing and shelter) and there are emotional needs. I must learn to separate these so as I can continue with life, even if my new endeavor turns soar.

Please grant me the strength to follow my heart and let me be compassionate and tolerant to what I may find.

Nengi.

Landscape - Hay bails, 4 - 25/02/06

Landscape - Hay bails, 4 - 25/02/06
Originally uploaded by Nengisuls.

This is the last image in a series I did showing hay bails. Hay is harvested all over Victoria. Almost seems like a strange form of farming. The rest of the images are below

Landscape - Hay bails, 2 - 25/02/06

Landscape - Hay bails, 2 - 25/02/06
Originally uploaded by Nengisuls.

Landscape - Hay bails, 3 - 25/02/06

Landscape - Hay bails, 3 - 25/02/06
Originally uploaded by Nengisuls.

Landscape - Hay bails, 1 - 25/02/06

Landscape - Hay bails, 1 - 25/02/06
Originally uploaded by Nengisuls.

1 week back and I can surely say I am .........

I must admit that now I am probably more confused than ever. I came back with no money and a debt the size of my credit card. The has never been a time in my life when I have been this poor. Really, it is almost liberating when you don't consider the charity one must hope for in my situation. So in actual fact I am rather morose at the moment. My family has come through for me as usual and I am so grateful and humbled by their compassion. I just wish I could do something more for them. At present I'm not working and simply waiting for a call from my perspective ex-employer. I feel a great deal of pride when I think about the family of work colleges I have managed to acquire.

As it turns out I may be working back in Brisbane again. Grateful as I am I still feel reluctant to leave my family once again but we must follow our destiny and if that means heading on up to Brisvegas then I must. Uni starts in July and I am very much looking forward to learning once again. It has been some time since the old days of drug induced University. I don't intend on going back to my old ways but I do intend on trying very hard to get a good education. My interest in Uni is very much aimed at giving me the mental resources to work in a foreign country. Hopefully I can start to learn Thai but I am concerned I may not be able to at my selected Uni. We will just have to see. At the moment my priorities are set and my mission is clear. Work, clear my debts, try to save some money and start Uni.

Na and I miss eachother very much but the distance has surely stirred up its fair share of confusion. My situation doesn't only affect my life. It has an impact on all those around me. I'm faced with mounting tension and confusion as I try to predict the unpredictable - once again. Na is on the move very soon and should be in Chiang Mai by morning. From there the world is her oyster. I really look forward to seeing her flourish over the next coming months. The stories will be fascinating as will my own. I type this with a smile on my face because the two of us have been through so much in such a short amount of time. My adventure in Thailand was very much a non-working holiday. Na and I have been slipping away into a vast realm of stagnant relaxation followed by intense 12 hr bus rides and general unknown circumstances. Now we finally have the opportunity to make something for ourselves. I'm optimistic for the future regardless of the outcome as I know things can only go up when you have come down this far.

As per usual I find myself being moderately pessimistic. My trip was supposed to be an amazing adventure and I was looking forward to meeting people from all over the world. Fact is that I didn't really meet that many people at all. Yes, it was amazing and very eye opening but it wasn't at all like the common backpacker experience I envisaged. Never will I regret it but it has surely been trying on my emotions. I have learnt so much about the people, the land, the culture and the life styles of many different individuals. Some is good and some is bad but as the saying goes, "No one is perfect; sometimes good, sometimes bad". As mentioned, I am looking forward to the next coming months, more so because I have come to such a low at the moment that I must do something positive with my life.

I will be riddled with this unknown confusion for some time. Hopefully I can find a positive resolution in the near future. I must admit that I feel more like Nengi now than I ever have. Coming back to Melbourne has been a very interesting experience. There are people here that I haven't seen for over a year and perhaps I might be leaving them once again to follow this destiny of mine. I feel real for the first time in a long time - still, only to an extent.

"....gone are the days of my being inside a carrier. I am now me and I can feel it growing" -Nengi

Nengisuls

Coming home. Both Joyous and Mournful

Hey Mum,

Yeah made it to Bangkok safely. Na is still with me and we should be leaving for the airport in about an hour. It has been a very sad day or 2 and it is finally starting to sink in that I will be going home and may not see Na for a long time. Really, after all that has happend I still feel so strongly for her as she does for me. She knows that there isn't much help I can provide given the limited time I have to pay off my debts and what she has to do here. None the less she is going to work very hard in the near future and is definately going to make a concerted effort to make it to Australia. She is willing to do everything it takes to come and wants to really make some thing for herself and us. So much so that she is willing to --------------- to get there. I know she did some questionable things in the past and I'm aware of the reasons. But it is her willingness to give all for the goal that makes me crazy about her. I don't know what will happen in the future but I am not calling it quits just yet. Nobody said life was easy and I intend on keeping what we have as strong as I can, even if it is accross international lines. Life can be unpredictable and certainly difficult but what would I be saying about myself if I simply cut and run when things looked bad. At anycost I do not have anything to lose and everything to gain with my trip home, work and education. If Na can be a part of that life I would be very happy.

See you in Melbourne. I'll try to call from Sydney if I can. heheh Might have to call reverse charges as I don't have any Australian currency on me.

Luv --------
XXOO

3 days trekking at Doi Intanon

Na and I have just completed 3 days on the mighty Doi Intanon. Doi is the Thai word for Mountain and Doi Intanon is the largest mountain in Thailand. Unfortunately our trek didn't involve hiking to the top of the mountain but we were able to see some great waterfalls and I also had the priveladge of launching myself off the top of a 5 metre cliff into the water. All great fun. We were accompanied by 5 other trekers from Scotland, China and Canada. In total we hiked about 17 kms and swam in about 4 different water holes with very scenic waterfalls all round the area. As per usual I am ver Kii Ki Et (lazy) and will have to wait till I get back to Australia before I start uploading photographs. I can assure you this national park is both beautiful and picturesque.

My excitement about my up and coming journey back to Australia is building. I have become quite slow and tired now. The thought of spending some time writing simple blog entries tries me and I feel I need to ground myself. I will surely miss my Teerak (:P Darling) but hopefully I will see her in the near future. Whether that be in Australia or Thailand. This experience has taught me so many things but these lessons are taking some time to be acknowleged. I hope that once I reach home soil I will be able to reflect positively on my time here. At present I am just trying to relax as much as I can and finalise things here before I head back to Bkk and then Sydney to Melbourne.

I miss my family so much and feel as though I need them now to ground me again. I have been running an unpredictable gauntlet for the last couple of months and the idea of living in Thailand is way to much for me to cope with at the moment. I can't wait to shake my brothers and step fathers hands, and to see the look on my mothers face when I walk through the arrivals section of the airport. This moment is one I think of contiually but could be ore to my detriment as the home sickness can be somewhat depressing.

Anyway I'll cut it short and end with some words of passion and conviction. My time has been far different from that of a common backpacker. I have not followed the worn path of many a backpacker. I have traced the steps of Thai society and seen a side that many have not. I have eaten many foods I most likely wont find in Australia (I'll try to cook some when I get back). I have learnt more Thai than I need for now but because of my surroundings still find it hard to order some food in Thai. I have seen the poor rice farmers of the north east and truly understand the difficult they suffer every year due to low rice prices. There have been so many other things that will take some time to recognise but in time I will look back and truly cherish the time I have spent. Even with times of turmoil and disappointment I am truly happy with my experience and do not want to trade it for the world.

Signing out for now
Nengi

Updates once again. Changes of plans.

I'll keep this brief because its getting late and I'm too tired to type any fantastic stories of adventure.

Plans have changed on a minor scale. I'll be here till the 14th of Feb. I was going to go home in 3 days but that is by no means enough time for me to spend with Na. I'm going to miss her dearly and hopefully she will be able to come to Australia soon. Who knows what the future holds.

We are in Pai at the moment and will be heading back to Chiang Mai for atleast a week. Then it's back to crazy BKK and home. These are strange times and expiriences like I have never felt. It can be overwhelming at times but atleast I have my health. All is good and I am looking forward to getting back to working life soon.

In short I'll be on Australian soil soon

So in brief I'll be home soon. My flight leaves on the 25th and I'll be in Melbourne early on the 26th. Get the streamers and party poppers ready. Really this next week will be very hard. Poor Na and me will be in a long distance relationship. This is something I'm trying to be ready for. She means the world to me and if I can make it work I will. I look forward to the day when she can finally see Australia.

Who knows what the future holds. Hopefully my plans will come to fruition in the near future. Well what ever limited plans I have at present. I don't like to speculate at the moment because things always have a tendency to change without further notice.

One thing I know is that I want a motor bike. heheh Sorry mum, but there are probably more motor bikes that cars and it is a very ecenomical alternative to a car.

Anyways I must be off. We're heading to Chang Mai and I have much to plan before then.

Embarking on a true journey of discovery into something unknown

Once again I must apologies for my delayed posts. As per usual it is much harder than one might think to find precious time for these stories of adventure and triumph. My most recent endevour has taken me on a soul searching challenge. For New Years Na and I made the grave journey from Bangkok to Roi Et. This is where her family lives and it is vitually off the map for Farangs.

It all started with a 7 hour bus ride in a vehicle that was surely designed for Thais as my long legs were continually pressed against the seat in front of me. Not to mention the fact I was the single lucky winner of a seat next to one of Na's drunk cousins. Sure he was a lovely guy and I did appreciate the close comfort of his head on my shoulder for most of the ride (extreme sarcasm), but after the first few hours the cramps in my legs were almost to much.

We reached Pon Sai, Roi Et at about 8 in the morning and were plesently greated by many childeren and fellow residents. This was the first of many sureal expiriences on our journey. The sight of a farang in these parts is very rare, and I mean it. Chances are it has probably been many months since they have seen a white alien such as myself and the greetings were more than welcomed by me. I already felt very much like family.

Na's parent's house stands on stilts and was once 2 levels. Through years of flood the lower level has been removed leaving a large vacant area with assorted sleeping and eating tables. There isn't a common dining table as such but more of a dining floor. A truely unique expirience for myself and one I will never forget.

In short, New years was filled with eating, drinking, dancing and singing. Personally I participated in the first to endulgences but tried my hardest to avoid the dancing and singing. The real issue for me was that when I tried to do some Isan dancing the girls would scream. As though I was one of the Beatles. I'm more than serious. I feel that perhaps the sight of a farang dancing to Isan music is either hilarious, terrifying or simply something abstract and almost incomprehensible to these people.

The communication gap was surely one of my greatest challenges and I have told Na on a few occasions that I consider this to be one of the greatest things I have done in my life. I have travelled way beyond my comfort zone into a realm of hand singals and mixed English, Thai and Isan. There were many times when I was completely terrified. Perhaps it was a symptom of some obscure culture shock. One particular instance found me at a teenagers Isan Kareoke party on the street at 3 in the morning of New years. Na's Cus's partner managed to drag me out of bed (he also speaks no English what so ever). I was very groggy and assumed that Na was probably where he was taking me. Boy was I wrong. Kid's were singing and dancing while P Sawai was trying to coax me on the street dance floor. Honestly I was not in the mood for dancing so I put up as much restraint as I could. For a moment I raised my hands in the air to offer some sign of participation. It was then that about 10 teenage girls started screaming and giggling. I have never really been a show pony so this felt awfully embarrassing. But the really uncomfortable part came when about 5 guys started crouding around me, all equally trying to gain my attention. Shortly after I insisted that I must go and virtually walked off in mid sentance. I must admit as daunting as tis was I still appreciate the expirience and have learnt much from it.

All in all I feel like my eyes have been opened to this old and facinating culture. These are poor lands and the people work very hard for what they have. The community is small and most are either family friends or blood related. Oneday we will go back and see whether much has changed but I have a feeling things will probably be the same.

The smells, sights and sewage

Ahhh it's great to be back in the hustle and bustle of the big smoke. Bangkok that is. We returned this morning at about 0630 and spent the following couple of hours searching for a room. Luckily Na knows the people that run the guest hours we stayed at before we left the big smoke. So now we are sunning up in the substantially warmer climate of Bangkok and I feel great.

It now seems apparent that I have learnt many things. When I first reached Bangkok at the beginning of November I was scared and overwhelmed by the sheer over absorbing, extreme, nature of the city. Even while in the company of Na I still felt almost as though it was all to much. Now after seeing Pai and Chiang Mai I feel at peace. Like the lessons I have learnt while away have helped me to adapt to life in Thialand. Admittedly my Thai is getting slightly better but that is surely not it. I have now simply become marginally accustomed to the life style here. Comfortable and relaxed in this chaotic environment - of Bangkok.

So now I am faced with the prospect of working as a teacher which brings with it so many new fears of failure and hopelessness. HAHAHA That is just me being paranoid as usual. Narin has taught me many things but one compounding lesson I am starting to learn is that I have to relax and stop taking things so seriously. Everytime something changes I find myself stressing out. Especially when it comes to money. But now I can be rest-assured that teaching English should be fairly straight forward. Everyone I have spoken to says it is as simple a job as can be.

On a serious note I would like to voice a concern of both mine and Narins. This concern is for the free loading backpacker that comes to Thailand and needs to extend his or her holiday further. I feel so terribly guilty that I am resorting to working as a teacher as it is, in a way, a corrupt and unfair system. I will be capable of earning around 30000 baht per month as a minimum. Where as the local Thai's can only expect to earn upto about 10000 baht per month. Economically speaking I understand why English teachers are paid so generously but it is easy to understand how the Thais must feel when English teachers teach by day, then drink up their money on booze and woman on Khao San by night. It makes me sick. The only thing I can do is attempt to be the best damn teacher I can be. I hope I can be a good example to those that may follow the same path I have taken.

I must leave it here as I have 11 minutes left and I've also left Na at the hairdressers for the past hour. heheh Who knows what sort of trouble I might be in? Till next time, be good. And for god's sake, if you can be good be careful.
Nengi

photos 13/12/05 - 2

photos 13/12/05 -1

Approaching a definite change and I can't wait

Our time in Chiang Mai feels like it has been wasted. We have slept through until the afternoon most days and I'm sure it's just that we are aclimatising from the slow life in Pai. Also we have come down with yet another flu and I have been blessed with a throat ulcer. But who can complain. It wont be long until I have to start working in Bangkok. I sincerely hope I can find the work because otherwise I will have to go back home. I'm sure there are many that would love to see me on my way back and off to University, but that isn't going to happen just yet.

Tomorrow we think we might aim to get to the top of Doi Suthep - the large mountain with temple on the top. From what I gather we should be able to reach the top by Sawngteaw (a ute that usually charges about 40 B per person). I'm sure it will be amazing but that isn't what's on my mind.

My observations of Thailand have been scattered at best. My first impressions where that of any person leaving their home country for the first time by themselves. I was fairly scared but mostly I was excited about seeing new lands and learning new things that I may never learn while at home. As you all know I managed to meet Narin and we have been together ever since. Now I am getting ready to work, if I can, and I'm looking forward to slipping into some surreal stream of normality.

It seems that there are a few general classifications of travelers through Thailand. I'll make it clear now that I don't think I ever really wanted to be the back packing kind. Perhaps that is why I find myself here now in this situation.

The Backpacker:

The Backpacker gets into Bangkok and quickly finds a room, if it hasn't already been pre-booked. The thing is that the Backpacker gets so sick of Bangkok that they are usually off and out within a couple of days. I personally spent 3 weeks in BKK. Admittedly it was fairly chaotic but the people I met were far more interesting than the common Backpacker. One common quote I have heard throughout my travels is; "Well I've been here for about a week, and I've been (here there and every where). I'll be going to Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia and then back to Thailand". Usually this is followed by a trip back home to work.

Dirty Ol' Bastard:

This is self-explanatory. Many DOB's come to Thailand because they are unable to make something of themselves in their home countries. Often they come to see the likes of Silom in BKK, followed by Patayya and any other working girl areas throughout Thailand. Some may find love and wind up with a girl 20 years younger than themselves. I find it disheartening to see but unfortunately it has become a major part of life in Thailand. I've also seem many of these DOB's waltzing the streets of Chiang Mai, probably more so here than in Bangkok. They look awfully strange and somehow out of place in this environment.

Temporary love:

This Temporary love is something that I find myself closely linked with but I would like to think that my situation is still some what different. Well I hope it is because otherwise I will be heading home very soon. This sort of love is where a man might find himself a lady to virtually escort him around the country. Generally the man will pay for most things but he will have a personal guide to order food, get better deals on taxi fairs and generally take care of the tourist. This can almost be seen as puppy prostitution but I'd say it is almost permissible in my eyes.

My kind of travel:

I find myself in a foreign country with Narin. She is an amazing girl and I am really happy to have spent the last month or so with her. Initially I was apprehensive about what I was getting myself into. I was paying for a lot and now we have exhausted most of my funds. I know this will inspire many nervous comments but I can assure you it is not what you think. I'm more confident now than I have ever been because now it is her that must support me. I am planning on working soon and I am aware that I'll have to wait for 1 month before I get paid. That could mean that I wont receive an income for atleast another 1.5 months. I have found someone that really wants to be with me because she is willing to support me as I am willing to support her. She is really positive about both mine and her employment opportunities. Once we reach BKK we will be finding an apartment and hopefully we shouldn't have to wait to long for me to start working. Now please refrain from offering any comments that may offend me. I'm aware that my situation can be seen as quite risque but it is my situation and I'm confident in the final outcome. Honestly, I never really wanted to be a Backpacker. I'm happy knowing that I have the opportunity to stay and live in a foreign country. It has been a hidden dream of mine for some time. Worse comes to worst I can jump on a plane back to Australia and go to Uni.

Before I left Australia I had made a subtle pact with myself. I said I wanted to learn something. It was something I couldn't predict before I left and it has surely been educational. I have learnt so much about myself, about Narin and her families way of life in the North East, about food and the amazing pleasure it can bring, about the Ex-Pat community and how close they really are to eachother, about the Thai people as a whole, about riding motor bikes without a helmet and living to tell the tale (don't worry, I didn't crash) and many other things I can't recognise myself. I can assure all loved ones out there that I am following my dreams and I have never been happier. It seems that my depressive days of yesterday have dwindled to a mild trickle. I feel as though everything is falling into place, even though my future is more uncertain than ever.

My apologies for the delays in entries and photos. I'm sure you have all been wondering what has been happening but my mind has been in a perpetual mist of discovery. Hopefully soon I can upload 3 weeks worth of photos for you all to see. Please leave as many messages as you like. I miss you all and look forward to reading your replies in the next couple of days.

momentary update

Ok, so I must apologies for my most serious delay between entries. Fact of the matter is that the other day I had completed a nice 6 or 7 hundred words and as I went to spell check it I lost the entire thing. We are in the net cafe just briefly so I thought I might update you on the minor details now and then later I can continue with more details.
We left Pai 3 days ago and are now in Chiang Mai. For some reason we have been exceptionally lazy and haven't really left the room till after lunch each day. Today we managed to get out of our 350 baht room with a TV. We have found a room for 200 without the added luxury of visual stimulation. That means we will just have to find that out in the city.
Last night we went to my favourite BBQ place so far in Thailand. We have probably been to about 4 of them since I got here at the start of November. I was mentioning to Na that it would be a great business opportunity to set up a BBQ place like this in Australia. But I also considered that it might not be all that legal to let Australians cook their own food in a restraunt. I'll explain what the BBQ place actually is later on.
Well I must be off. Once again sorry for the delay between posts and I'll be sure to start making some more phone calls soon.

Pai - A truly slow place

We have made it to Pai. Such a small and peaceful town when compared to Bangkok. The amenities for the price you pay on accommodation is far worth it.

But the tale of my accommodation and the 15 hrs it took to get here is not what's on my mind. It is the uncertainty of my situation. I have already received an expected response from loved ones back home - with regard to my last post. Fact of the matter is that I am sick of planning for things. For once in my life I feel liberated. Against all reasonable actions I have decided to calm down and not decide anything for the mean while. I think what has hurt the most has been the assumption of suspicious behavior on park of my GF. Admittedly, those that know me understand that I am very naive and could quite easily be taken advantage of. The problem is that I have cried for help in the past. And it hasn't got me anywhere. Essentially I control my own self. I must make these decisions with my own interests in mind. I think those concerned are worried either that: first and foremost that I am being swindled and that I'll have to come home in a couple of weeks because I have no money. Secondly is that I will simply never come home and live my days in Thailand. "Neglecting real responsibilities".

Now I have always said that I want to move and live in another country. Personally I would love to study here if I can. So my question is this:

Is there anything wrong with deciding to stay longer or indefinitely? Should I do the "Right thing" and go back to Australia to study? Or should I do the irresponsible thing and live my life as I choose?

My apologies for the seemingly negative post. It's not. I'm just going through this phase at the moment.

3 weeks and I'm not sure where home is.

It has been some time since my last entry to this life journey of mine. Reasons being are possibly to confusing for me to understand as of yet. I have a feeling it has something to do with the culture shock I am still suffering from. There are so many differences to this culture compared to Australian culture. Admittedly I feel I have been privileged to meet Na. She is a wonderful person and I have getting to know her better and better every day.
We traveled from Bangkok, west, to Kanchanaburi. Only for a couple of days but it was a great relief to get out of bangkok. For someone like myself Bangkok is an exceptionally overwhelming city. Even the simple task of crossing the road is made difficult by no real clear cut moment of safety. You walk at your own risk but most of the time the cars and saamlaw see you coming. It's a dicey balance of controlled chaos and oblivion.

But back to the beginning. Luckily for me I managed to meet someone on the plane trip here. He was a nice enough guy so we ended up sharing a room. I feel for him now as I abandon him at the time. After 2 days I managed to meet my, now, girlfriend and we have been together since. Initially I expected to do the normal travel thing. Move around from city to city, seeing the local tourist hangouts and definitely spending some time in Krabi climbing. Strange as is sounds I have only been climbing 1 time in the last 3 weeks. And yes I am having withdrawals as I type.
As it turns out the privilege and advantage of having a Thai GF is that I possibly get to see more places that are less accessible to the common farang. At times I question my integrity because I continually see these mixed relationships. I wonder whether I am different to those I see on the street. See there are a variety of different mixed relationships that exist in Bangkok. First and foremost there is that of the day by day stalker. Now this may be a generalisation but I have seen (not first hand) that many Thai men or woman (mostly woman) frequent the local pubs and clubs in Th Khao San. They are searching for the unsuspecting drunk backpacker. Some might have sex while others might get some money. But the buck stops at the fact that, essentially, these are not long relationship and can potentially only be one night stands with the hope of monetary return.

I would like to see my situation as different. I have met this wonderful girl and we are still together. Nobody likes using the word love this early in play but I can surely say that I am crazy about here. I was out one of those dang farang bars on my second night. I don't normally have an interest in that loud ear drum splitting scene but I thought I should at least attempt to meet some new friends for my travels. Alex (the guy I met on the plane) and I went along with some Irish blokes and before I knew it they were having a ball, jumping around and generally doing what boys our age do. So I soon left for Soi Rambuttri, which was the lane where my room was at the time. I was convinced to sit down by a lovely guy named Tom, or Cha Cha (Slow Slow), as they call him. Cha Cha's is a road side bar which is basically a set of tarpaulins on the road. It's simple and that is why I chose to sit there. By they time I was ready to leave it was about 5 in the morning and I was being convinced to stay just a little longer by Na who had not to much earlier showed up. She kept telling me "No don't leave just yet. It's only 4". I knew what the time was but I was easily persuaded to stay. Soon enough everyone had gone home and it was just us. I asked her to take me to the river, so we walked for about 10 minutes and watched the sun come up (you may remember photos recently uploaded of us at the river). As you can imagine the rest is history. We leave for Chiang Mai on Monday and we should be around there until about the 4th of December. I'll surely try to update my entries while we are up north.

There is much for me to say but for now I think I will hold my thoughts until a later date. I will say one thing though - possibly to the dismay of loved ones back home. No decision is final. My life has changed more than I ever imagined and I cannot imagine where I will be in the coming months. I have already considered the possibility of working here and I may also stay longer if the need arises. Nothing is concrete and you will simply have to wait to see what happens.
Apologies for the major delay and I wish all those back home my love and the best of wishes.

and finally more photos

and more

more

photos

Culture shock and new found interests

Dammit. This crazy computer just deleted my entire post. So due to my dismay I am going to leave it short.

This place is amazing and I have never seen such a healthy culture. Fact of the matter is that this place is growing on me. I have met a girl and we have bee together for the past 5 days.

haahha I'll leave you in suspense till I can be motivated to get off my bum and write something. Sorry to all those actually visiting the blog.

Damn this computer.

Safe and sound. Down and out

02/11/05

I have made it. Safe and sound. Initially I was intending on describing my feelings of the trip here. Then I thought I might voice my concerns about the "Sunuk" Philosphy in Bangkok (Krung Thep). But once I arrived back to the guesthouse with my new friend Alex I realised that I have embarked on a serious journey. It will take far more than this simple, half drunken entry to explain my true feelings.

Apologies for the limited entry and I'll include more pics once I can copy them to CD.

Signing out.

Nengi