A lovely Sunday at Kangaroo Point Brisbane

Just yesterday I was climbing with some dear friends of mine. My head really wasn't in the game but I dug deep to find the motivation and succeeded on a couple of difficult climbs. Marty nailed some nice climbs with style while Tim Tam flew up a 21. Cas has climbed before but doesn't climb often. she still managed to get up a 19. Too good folks. Now my legs are killing me.



"I began my day at the top of the cliff. My destination? Cucumber Castle, grade 23. Unfortunately we didn't get any photos of this classic"



"Cas did a great job getting up Pterodactyl, 19. She even managed the 19 direct start. The direct is 17. Good work girl"





"Tim Tam struggled up Euthanasia, 21. It's one of those climbs that twists and turns your body into all sorts of crazy knots. I had something to prove now. I didn't want to be showed up by a girl :oP"







"I surely look "All Class". Don't be fooled by still shots, I fell a couple of times but felt really good once I got to the top. This is me on Euthanasia, 21"





"Marty flew up this 24, Punks in the Gin. I didn't even bother. My jealousy exudes as he gracefully launches up the rock. Yeah he came off a couple of times but his determination is something to be desired by all"



"We finished the day off with juice, as you would expect. And Joe Frog showed up to see us finishing our last climbs"

The day started at about 0900 and finished at 1800. It's a great feeling to get out and about. To follow those instincts I hold so dearly. With the work I'm doing now I need to assure myself that there is life outside of Toilets and Freight. Hopefully I can call off these stressful days of work soon. Unfortunately it will last so all I can do is attend my Sunday morning climbs and enjoy what time I do have to spend with friends.

Nengi

I hold this place close to my heart

These photos are of Kangaroo Point in Brisbane. I have been here many times climbing and it has taught me many things about self discipline and determination. The thrill I get from climbing is like no other. My climbing will be limited in the next coming months due to my work commitments but I'll still make an attempt at climbing once a week.

"...Rock on KP"

The second day of 13 hour days

It is my second day working in my 'second job'. My new occupation is hygiene technician. hehehe This is just a pretty title I grant myself. Really I'm simply a cleaner by early morning (4-8am) and a Freighty by day.

It is a surreal experience working these long hours but I find the most unusual aspect waking up at 3 in the morning. This is a time when most are snuggly tucked away under their blankets without a care in the world. I tip-toe around the kitchen trying to make as little noise as possible. The last thing I want to do is wake up my poor, pleasantly sleeping house mates. From what I have been told, I'm not tip-toing soft enough. Not that they mind. I'm the one that has to be out on the road by 3:30.

The cleaning is no brainer work but it is still quite stressful due to my limited cleaning skills. I must work tirelessly from 4 till about 7:30. Lucky for me I received the task of cleaning the toilets. Admittedly this wouldn't have been my preferred role but as I'm desperate for the work I'll simply deal with what I have been dealt and work my butt off.

8:00 comes and I am in the car heading back to work (the day job). Now I find this work less stressful because the workload is more spread out and I have done this for many years now so I'm more than capable of relying on my past experience to get the job done.

I feel there will be a time, probably fairly soon, where I will start to burn out. This is the time I'll have to bail and get out while I stile have my sanity - not that I ever really had it :oP. I hope I can last just long enough to repay my debts and possibly save a small amount for my next Semester in school. This sort of sleep deprivation can be a good challenge of taken in the right way. For me I think it will cause me some stress but I atleast look forward to completing my time here and looking back at what I have achieved.

I think these hours are going to seriously jeopardise my writing skills. We often take for granted our regular sleeping patterns but once we have to change our cycle our brains tend to slow down until we have overcome this mild hurdle.

"...zzzzz where is my bed"

An abnormally noisy morning.

I woke to the sounds of our all encompassing smoke alarms ringing throughout the house. One of my genius house mates imagined he could stop the low battery beep by pushing the test button numerous times. Call me crazy but I would guess that pushing the test button would only exacerbate the issue. For making the alarm siren would simply waste the little battery life it has left. The terrible thing about our smoke alarms is that all are connected so if one goes, all go.

Then to top it off my genius house mate asked if I could call the agent to have it repaired. Now I consider this and realise that it is no real stress for me to do. The issue for me is that he is more than capable of calling himself. The smoke alarm is down stairs and hasn't really bothered me so I say he should "Pull his finger out" and do it himself. But I'll do it anyway. I'm just a nice guy deep down.

Then everyone insisted on having their showers this morning instead of those selected few that choose to have their showers in the night time. So I now am a little stinking on account of not showering. This isn't something most would readily admit to but hey, everyone has to be a little stinky every now and then.

So now I'm back at work after this slightly unpleasant morning but feeling positive as I don't have to be home for a whole 8 hrs. Don't get me wrong. I love my house and all of my house mates. I think I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. hehehe Not that means to much for me anyway. I don't really get in abnormally irritated moods.

Enjoy your day and think yourself lucky you had a shower.

Overlooking chances

Chances are often overlooked due to the potential risks involved. I must admit I have never been one to opt out of a possible chance at finding something or achieving some status of being. Perhaps I push my boundaries a little to far but for this I would like to say I'm brave. Or stupid. My commitment in the face of danger can be detrimental but I feel that I must follow my heart and rely on my instincts for the right decision is always clouded by acceptable norms for society.

These norms are fashioned by the generic populace and are easily recognised by the blank personalities of many a fellow man. I'm not critisising the norm but simply stating that I choose not to be a part of it. For example, there is a common view of women from Thailand's north east that the ultimate goal is to attain a potential suitor with enough finanncial security to sustain her and her family. In some cases this is true. The many facets of Thai culture provides provisions for these poorer demographic. My concern is that this cultural norm seems to humour or defame the many hard working and passionate Thais within the region.

So what I'm trying to say is that in the face of adversity I choose to follow my instincts till the fail me. Some may say that my instincts have failed me on many occasions and this can be seen as true to a certain extent. One difference now is that, in time, I have learnt many things and can now way up my risks from a more experienced and mature state of mind.

For those that think I'm going a little coo coo with my prophetic and analytical view need not be concerned for my mental well being. I'm simply trying to express my opinion in the best possible English I can muster. Writing is a beautiful art if perfected and that is what I would like to attempt.

hehe Thanks to my dearest mother for raising me to respect the language and speak proper English. She is the first and only to critisise my grammar, punctuation and spelling.

Nengi's minimal theory of change within social relationships

This theory briefly covers my opinions of relationships between friends and lovers. I am aware that my analysis is brief at best. This is a simple observation from personal experience.

One should not expect substantial change in life due to the actions of others. My experience and that of those around me has emphasised the old saying "you can't change someone. They can only change themselves".

It can be quite unfortunate to experience this first hand. For me it was a situation of making certain actions and expecting some sort of appropriate reaction. But I must note that these issues cannot be predicted in any conventional manner. One must look at each individual circumstance for its own merits. Under most circumstances the individual will be mistaken either marginally or substantially. I feel I have been sorely mistaken. But in stead of being upset or confused I am simply willing to accept the inevitable. That all cannot be predicted. You may or may not change somebodies view or outlook but the result will rarely be as expected. An individual should not expect to change somebodies ways or ideologies as this would be perceived to be arrogant or naive.

We as a people walk a path of intermediary relationships of both lovers and friends. Sometimes the results of these relationships are less than desirable while at other times the sensations can be almost to rewarding. There must be an even medium within the realm social interactions where we can find long term lovers and friends. A place where we can be reassured of complete commitment from those we care for. I have attained a certain number of true friends I will hold dearly until the end of my existence but attaining true love is a far more complex task.

True love is surely not easy to come by. Why exactly, I do not know. But one thing I do understand is that everything changes when two so called lovers come together. When this romantic bond is established a situation arises that is completely incomparable to a purely friendship based relationship. Being one's friend and one's lover are two very separate things. Personalities change, idiosyncrasies come out and new individualism is formed.

"...it doesn't matter what you do. She is all the way over there and you are here. You are the one with something to lose" -Joe Frog

Below are some pictures from one of my days at Kangaroo Point.

Nengi

Blabber Mouth - 200 metres of fun - sanook mak mak

Just yesterday I embarked on one of my hair brain journeys. My friend and I travelled out to the Glasshouse mountains to send the classic Blabber Mouth. A nice grade 16 multipitch climb. It has 7 pitchs with bolts most of the way through the climb. Like many other easy climbs at Tibro there are sections of limited protection. Places where a fall could really mean trouble for your day half way up a 200 metre climb. But to me this all adds to the excitment.

I woke late at 0730 and quickly grabbed all my gear I had prepared the night before. My excitment was building as it had been many months since I had visited Tibro. I was looking forward to the adventure and fascination of being half way up a mountain. It is a sureal expirience and really puts you out of common surroundings. Humans were never meant to survive in a vertical environment. I got to My mates place by about 0830 and waited for him to ready himself for the days endurance activity.

We reached the mountain by about 1030 and started climbing at 1100. I did the first 3 pitchs and my mate did the next 2. I did the 6th and he did the 7th in true style as there is no protection at all for this 25 metre pitch. A complete solo but the grade is only 10 so it's not so couragous. That being said, you never know when a rock will come off in your hand and send you packing down to your demise. I love it more than you can imagine. Living out there on the edge. It keeps the blood moving.

We were behind scheduale and true Nengi form we completed the climb just as the sun was going down. It gives a great opportunity for some nice sunset photography at 200 metres above the ground. The real issue at hand though is that we have to climb down about 300 metres of 50 degree rock on the other side of the mountain to get back to the bottom. We had 1 head lamp between the 2 of us but managed to reach the bottom unscathed.

All in all it was a 12 and a half hour day from start to finish and now I am back here working my little butt off as usual. I can't wait till next weekend. I'm heading back to Mt Maroon. Should be very interesting. Hopefully I don't have the same results as my last trip to Maroon (traversing the side of the mount, searching for the tourist trail). Should be great anyway.

So now I am waiting again

So now I am waiting. I have been back in Australia for over a month now. Things seem to be starting to look up. Well, for now that is. I still have a lovely gal whom I would love to see educate herself here in Brisbane. She is happy, healthy and has had some fortunate luck with current job opportunities. My occupation here in Brisbane is starting to flourish and I'm sure it will be only to soon before I am up to my neck in paper work. Finally, I have a new house mate and he is from Malaysia. I look forward to learning something about his culture and I am sure he will learn something from living within mine.

My most recent endeavor has been to make contact with my father. It has been sometime since we have spoken and I am uncertain about what our future holds. We have much to catch up on and I hope we can still have some sort of father-son relationship. Many times I have thought about my father - usually on a daily basis. I feel that our lack of contact has been the cause of much distress to myself. I still feel the impact of this distance, even though it may seem be hidden at the bottom of my emotional being. My instinctive urge to have a father is really quite strong and I feel asthough I can possibly find some sort of resolution to our past issues.

My father was always a fairly cold man. With a hectic work schedule and, possibly, unsavoury childhood came a fairly impersonal father. He was never an emotionally conscious person and usually showed his love by emphasising the need for my brother and I to make something of our lives. My personal opinion was that he looked at happiness in the shape of dollar bills and respectability. Obviously that didn't go down well when I started smoking pot. But that was not the reason we stopped communicating. I would rather keep out of it now. Actually I have a feeling I may have covered some of the details in my first couple of posts. At any cost he was not like most fathers. But that does not change the way I feel about him. He is my father and I will love him like any child loves those that have given them life.

So admittedly I am delving into an area that is probably best left out of the international lime light. Let it be known that my compultion to speak these words is simply because I have felt the strong urge to voice my opinion and tell my stories ever since I ceased talking with my father. So I ask you father to be kind and loving and don't break my heart again. I am only human and this heart will not hold well if broken too many times.

My trip to Thailand seemed to teach me a thing or two about family values. Regardless of what your family has done in the past you must accept them for what and who they are. They are your blood line and you can never forget that. Nor can you ignore them, hoping they will vanish into the abyss. So I will try hold onto those family values and try to forget, or atleast put aside, my grievances until an appropriate time. Ofcourse I have wounds that I feel need healing but I would much rather rekindle my relationship with my father so I can one day live in harmony (metaphorically speaking) with my father and the rest of my family for that matter.

This knot in my stomach is growing as we speak. I am once again facing an unknown variable in this life. Anyone would think I was getting used to it but, as it seems, I am not. This knotting slowdown in my sense of time can make work difficult but I must remember there are two sides to life: hygiene needs (food, clothing and shelter) and there are emotional needs. I must learn to separate these so as I can continue with life, even if my new endeavor turns soar.

Please grant me the strength to follow my heart and let me be compassionate and tolerant to what I may find.

Nengi.

Landscape - Hay bails, 4 - 25/02/06

Landscape - Hay bails, 4 - 25/02/06
Originally uploaded by Nengisuls.

This is the last image in a series I did showing hay bails. Hay is harvested all over Victoria. Almost seems like a strange form of farming. The rest of the images are below

Landscape - Hay bails, 2 - 25/02/06

Landscape - Hay bails, 2 - 25/02/06
Originally uploaded by Nengisuls.

Landscape - Hay bails, 3 - 25/02/06

Landscape - Hay bails, 3 - 25/02/06
Originally uploaded by Nengisuls.

Landscape - Hay bails, 1 - 25/02/06

Landscape - Hay bails, 1 - 25/02/06
Originally uploaded by Nengisuls.

1 week back and I can surely say I am .........

I must admit that now I am probably more confused than ever. I came back with no money and a debt the size of my credit card. The has never been a time in my life when I have been this poor. Really, it is almost liberating when you don't consider the charity one must hope for in my situation. So in actual fact I am rather morose at the moment. My family has come through for me as usual and I am so grateful and humbled by their compassion. I just wish I could do something more for them. At present I'm not working and simply waiting for a call from my perspective ex-employer. I feel a great deal of pride when I think about the family of work colleges I have managed to acquire.

As it turns out I may be working back in Brisbane again. Grateful as I am I still feel reluctant to leave my family once again but we must follow our destiny and if that means heading on up to Brisvegas then I must. Uni starts in July and I am very much looking forward to learning once again. It has been some time since the old days of drug induced University. I don't intend on going back to my old ways but I do intend on trying very hard to get a good education. My interest in Uni is very much aimed at giving me the mental resources to work in a foreign country. Hopefully I can start to learn Thai but I am concerned I may not be able to at my selected Uni. We will just have to see. At the moment my priorities are set and my mission is clear. Work, clear my debts, try to save some money and start Uni.

Na and I miss eachother very much but the distance has surely stirred up its fair share of confusion. My situation doesn't only affect my life. It has an impact on all those around me. I'm faced with mounting tension and confusion as I try to predict the unpredictable - once again. Na is on the move very soon and should be in Chiang Mai by morning. From there the world is her oyster. I really look forward to seeing her flourish over the next coming months. The stories will be fascinating as will my own. I type this with a smile on my face because the two of us have been through so much in such a short amount of time. My adventure in Thailand was very much a non-working holiday. Na and I have been slipping away into a vast realm of stagnant relaxation followed by intense 12 hr bus rides and general unknown circumstances. Now we finally have the opportunity to make something for ourselves. I'm optimistic for the future regardless of the outcome as I know things can only go up when you have come down this far.

As per usual I find myself being moderately pessimistic. My trip was supposed to be an amazing adventure and I was looking forward to meeting people from all over the world. Fact is that I didn't really meet that many people at all. Yes, it was amazing and very eye opening but it wasn't at all like the common backpacker experience I envisaged. Never will I regret it but it has surely been trying on my emotions. I have learnt so much about the people, the land, the culture and the life styles of many different individuals. Some is good and some is bad but as the saying goes, "No one is perfect; sometimes good, sometimes bad". As mentioned, I am looking forward to the next coming months, more so because I have come to such a low at the moment that I must do something positive with my life.

I will be riddled with this unknown confusion for some time. Hopefully I can find a positive resolution in the near future. I must admit that I feel more like Nengi now than I ever have. Coming back to Melbourne has been a very interesting experience. There are people here that I haven't seen for over a year and perhaps I might be leaving them once again to follow this destiny of mine. I feel real for the first time in a long time - still, only to an extent.

"....gone are the days of my being inside a carrier. I am now me and I can feel it growing" -Nengi

Nengisuls

Coming home. Both Joyous and Mournful

Hey Mum,

Yeah made it to Bangkok safely. Na is still with me and we should be leaving for the airport in about an hour. It has been a very sad day or 2 and it is finally starting to sink in that I will be going home and may not see Na for a long time. Really, after all that has happend I still feel so strongly for her as she does for me. She knows that there isn't much help I can provide given the limited time I have to pay off my debts and what she has to do here. None the less she is going to work very hard in the near future and is definately going to make a concerted effort to make it to Australia. She is willing to do everything it takes to come and wants to really make some thing for herself and us. So much so that she is willing to --------------- to get there. I know she did some questionable things in the past and I'm aware of the reasons. But it is her willingness to give all for the goal that makes me crazy about her. I don't know what will happen in the future but I am not calling it quits just yet. Nobody said life was easy and I intend on keeping what we have as strong as I can, even if it is accross international lines. Life can be unpredictable and certainly difficult but what would I be saying about myself if I simply cut and run when things looked bad. At anycost I do not have anything to lose and everything to gain with my trip home, work and education. If Na can be a part of that life I would be very happy.

See you in Melbourne. I'll try to call from Sydney if I can. heheh Might have to call reverse charges as I don't have any Australian currency on me.

Luv --------
XXOO

3 days trekking at Doi Intanon

Na and I have just completed 3 days on the mighty Doi Intanon. Doi is the Thai word for Mountain and Doi Intanon is the largest mountain in Thailand. Unfortunately our trek didn't involve hiking to the top of the mountain but we were able to see some great waterfalls and I also had the priveladge of launching myself off the top of a 5 metre cliff into the water. All great fun. We were accompanied by 5 other trekers from Scotland, China and Canada. In total we hiked about 17 kms and swam in about 4 different water holes with very scenic waterfalls all round the area. As per usual I am ver Kii Ki Et (lazy) and will have to wait till I get back to Australia before I start uploading photographs. I can assure you this national park is both beautiful and picturesque.

My excitement about my up and coming journey back to Australia is building. I have become quite slow and tired now. The thought of spending some time writing simple blog entries tries me and I feel I need to ground myself. I will surely miss my Teerak (:P Darling) but hopefully I will see her in the near future. Whether that be in Australia or Thailand. This experience has taught me so many things but these lessons are taking some time to be acknowleged. I hope that once I reach home soil I will be able to reflect positively on my time here. At present I am just trying to relax as much as I can and finalise things here before I head back to Bkk and then Sydney to Melbourne.

I miss my family so much and feel as though I need them now to ground me again. I have been running an unpredictable gauntlet for the last couple of months and the idea of living in Thailand is way to much for me to cope with at the moment. I can't wait to shake my brothers and step fathers hands, and to see the look on my mothers face when I walk through the arrivals section of the airport. This moment is one I think of contiually but could be ore to my detriment as the home sickness can be somewhat depressing.

Anyway I'll cut it short and end with some words of passion and conviction. My time has been far different from that of a common backpacker. I have not followed the worn path of many a backpacker. I have traced the steps of Thai society and seen a side that many have not. I have eaten many foods I most likely wont find in Australia (I'll try to cook some when I get back). I have learnt more Thai than I need for now but because of my surroundings still find it hard to order some food in Thai. I have seen the poor rice farmers of the north east and truly understand the difficult they suffer every year due to low rice prices. There have been so many other things that will take some time to recognise but in time I will look back and truly cherish the time I have spent. Even with times of turmoil and disappointment I am truly happy with my experience and do not want to trade it for the world.

Signing out for now
Nengi

Updates once again. Changes of plans.

I'll keep this brief because its getting late and I'm too tired to type any fantastic stories of adventure.

Plans have changed on a minor scale. I'll be here till the 14th of Feb. I was going to go home in 3 days but that is by no means enough time for me to spend with Na. I'm going to miss her dearly and hopefully she will be able to come to Australia soon. Who knows what the future holds.

We are in Pai at the moment and will be heading back to Chiang Mai for atleast a week. Then it's back to crazy BKK and home. These are strange times and expiriences like I have never felt. It can be overwhelming at times but atleast I have my health. All is good and I am looking forward to getting back to working life soon.

In short I'll be on Australian soil soon

So in brief I'll be home soon. My flight leaves on the 25th and I'll be in Melbourne early on the 26th. Get the streamers and party poppers ready. Really this next week will be very hard. Poor Na and me will be in a long distance relationship. This is something I'm trying to be ready for. She means the world to me and if I can make it work I will. I look forward to the day when she can finally see Australia.

Who knows what the future holds. Hopefully my plans will come to fruition in the near future. Well what ever limited plans I have at present. I don't like to speculate at the moment because things always have a tendency to change without further notice.

One thing I know is that I want a motor bike. heheh Sorry mum, but there are probably more motor bikes that cars and it is a very ecenomical alternative to a car.

Anyways I must be off. We're heading to Chang Mai and I have much to plan before then.

Embarking on a true journey of discovery into something unknown

Once again I must apologies for my delayed posts. As per usual it is much harder than one might think to find precious time for these stories of adventure and triumph. My most recent endevour has taken me on a soul searching challenge. For New Years Na and I made the grave journey from Bangkok to Roi Et. This is where her family lives and it is vitually off the map for Farangs.

It all started with a 7 hour bus ride in a vehicle that was surely designed for Thais as my long legs were continually pressed against the seat in front of me. Not to mention the fact I was the single lucky winner of a seat next to one of Na's drunk cousins. Sure he was a lovely guy and I did appreciate the close comfort of his head on my shoulder for most of the ride (extreme sarcasm), but after the first few hours the cramps in my legs were almost to much.

We reached Pon Sai, Roi Et at about 8 in the morning and were plesently greated by many childeren and fellow residents. This was the first of many sureal expiriences on our journey. The sight of a farang in these parts is very rare, and I mean it. Chances are it has probably been many months since they have seen a white alien such as myself and the greetings were more than welcomed by me. I already felt very much like family.

Na's parent's house stands on stilts and was once 2 levels. Through years of flood the lower level has been removed leaving a large vacant area with assorted sleeping and eating tables. There isn't a common dining table as such but more of a dining floor. A truely unique expirience for myself and one I will never forget.

In short, New years was filled with eating, drinking, dancing and singing. Personally I participated in the first to endulgences but tried my hardest to avoid the dancing and singing. The real issue for me was that when I tried to do some Isan dancing the girls would scream. As though I was one of the Beatles. I'm more than serious. I feel that perhaps the sight of a farang dancing to Isan music is either hilarious, terrifying or simply something abstract and almost incomprehensible to these people.

The communication gap was surely one of my greatest challenges and I have told Na on a few occasions that I consider this to be one of the greatest things I have done in my life. I have travelled way beyond my comfort zone into a realm of hand singals and mixed English, Thai and Isan. There were many times when I was completely terrified. Perhaps it was a symptom of some obscure culture shock. One particular instance found me at a teenagers Isan Kareoke party on the street at 3 in the morning of New years. Na's Cus's partner managed to drag me out of bed (he also speaks no English what so ever). I was very groggy and assumed that Na was probably where he was taking me. Boy was I wrong. Kid's were singing and dancing while P Sawai was trying to coax me on the street dance floor. Honestly I was not in the mood for dancing so I put up as much restraint as I could. For a moment I raised my hands in the air to offer some sign of participation. It was then that about 10 teenage girls started screaming and giggling. I have never really been a show pony so this felt awfully embarrassing. But the really uncomfortable part came when about 5 guys started crouding around me, all equally trying to gain my attention. Shortly after I insisted that I must go and virtually walked off in mid sentance. I must admit as daunting as tis was I still appreciate the expirience and have learnt much from it.

All in all I feel like my eyes have been opened to this old and facinating culture. These are poor lands and the people work very hard for what they have. The community is small and most are either family friends or blood related. Oneday we will go back and see whether much has changed but I have a feeling things will probably be the same.