A lovely Sunday at Kangaroo Point Brisbane

Just yesterday I was climbing with some dear friends of mine. My head really wasn't in the game but I dug deep to find the motivation and succeeded on a couple of difficult climbs. Marty nailed some nice climbs with style while Tim Tam flew up a 21. Cas has climbed before but doesn't climb often. she still managed to get up a 19. Too good folks. Now my legs are killing me.



"I began my day at the top of the cliff. My destination? Cucumber Castle, grade 23. Unfortunately we didn't get any photos of this classic"



"Cas did a great job getting up Pterodactyl, 19. She even managed the 19 direct start. The direct is 17. Good work girl"





"Tim Tam struggled up Euthanasia, 21. It's one of those climbs that twists and turns your body into all sorts of crazy knots. I had something to prove now. I didn't want to be showed up by a girl :oP"







"I surely look "All Class". Don't be fooled by still shots, I fell a couple of times but felt really good once I got to the top. This is me on Euthanasia, 21"





"Marty flew up this 24, Punks in the Gin. I didn't even bother. My jealousy exudes as he gracefully launches up the rock. Yeah he came off a couple of times but his determination is something to be desired by all"



"We finished the day off with juice, as you would expect. And Joe Frog showed up to see us finishing our last climbs"

The day started at about 0900 and finished at 1800. It's a great feeling to get out and about. To follow those instincts I hold so dearly. With the work I'm doing now I need to assure myself that there is life outside of Toilets and Freight. Hopefully I can call off these stressful days of work soon. Unfortunately it will last so all I can do is attend my Sunday morning climbs and enjoy what time I do have to spend with friends.

Nengi

I hold this place close to my heart

These photos are of Kangaroo Point in Brisbane. I have been here many times climbing and it has taught me many things about self discipline and determination. The thrill I get from climbing is like no other. My climbing will be limited in the next coming months due to my work commitments but I'll still make an attempt at climbing once a week.

"...Rock on KP"

The second day of 13 hour days

It is my second day working in my 'second job'. My new occupation is hygiene technician. hehehe This is just a pretty title I grant myself. Really I'm simply a cleaner by early morning (4-8am) and a Freighty by day.

It is a surreal experience working these long hours but I find the most unusual aspect waking up at 3 in the morning. This is a time when most are snuggly tucked away under their blankets without a care in the world. I tip-toe around the kitchen trying to make as little noise as possible. The last thing I want to do is wake up my poor, pleasantly sleeping house mates. From what I have been told, I'm not tip-toing soft enough. Not that they mind. I'm the one that has to be out on the road by 3:30.

The cleaning is no brainer work but it is still quite stressful due to my limited cleaning skills. I must work tirelessly from 4 till about 7:30. Lucky for me I received the task of cleaning the toilets. Admittedly this wouldn't have been my preferred role but as I'm desperate for the work I'll simply deal with what I have been dealt and work my butt off.

8:00 comes and I am in the car heading back to work (the day job). Now I find this work less stressful because the workload is more spread out and I have done this for many years now so I'm more than capable of relying on my past experience to get the job done.

I feel there will be a time, probably fairly soon, where I will start to burn out. This is the time I'll have to bail and get out while I stile have my sanity - not that I ever really had it :oP. I hope I can last just long enough to repay my debts and possibly save a small amount for my next Semester in school. This sort of sleep deprivation can be a good challenge of taken in the right way. For me I think it will cause me some stress but I atleast look forward to completing my time here and looking back at what I have achieved.

I think these hours are going to seriously jeopardise my writing skills. We often take for granted our regular sleeping patterns but once we have to change our cycle our brains tend to slow down until we have overcome this mild hurdle.

"...zzzzz where is my bed"

An abnormally noisy morning.

I woke to the sounds of our all encompassing smoke alarms ringing throughout the house. One of my genius house mates imagined he could stop the low battery beep by pushing the test button numerous times. Call me crazy but I would guess that pushing the test button would only exacerbate the issue. For making the alarm siren would simply waste the little battery life it has left. The terrible thing about our smoke alarms is that all are connected so if one goes, all go.

Then to top it off my genius house mate asked if I could call the agent to have it repaired. Now I consider this and realise that it is no real stress for me to do. The issue for me is that he is more than capable of calling himself. The smoke alarm is down stairs and hasn't really bothered me so I say he should "Pull his finger out" and do it himself. But I'll do it anyway. I'm just a nice guy deep down.

Then everyone insisted on having their showers this morning instead of those selected few that choose to have their showers in the night time. So I now am a little stinking on account of not showering. This isn't something most would readily admit to but hey, everyone has to be a little stinky every now and then.

So now I'm back at work after this slightly unpleasant morning but feeling positive as I don't have to be home for a whole 8 hrs. Don't get me wrong. I love my house and all of my house mates. I think I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. hehehe Not that means to much for me anyway. I don't really get in abnormally irritated moods.

Enjoy your day and think yourself lucky you had a shower.

Overlooking chances

Chances are often overlooked due to the potential risks involved. I must admit I have never been one to opt out of a possible chance at finding something or achieving some status of being. Perhaps I push my boundaries a little to far but for this I would like to say I'm brave. Or stupid. My commitment in the face of danger can be detrimental but I feel that I must follow my heart and rely on my instincts for the right decision is always clouded by acceptable norms for society.

These norms are fashioned by the generic populace and are easily recognised by the blank personalities of many a fellow man. I'm not critisising the norm but simply stating that I choose not to be a part of it. For example, there is a common view of women from Thailand's north east that the ultimate goal is to attain a potential suitor with enough finanncial security to sustain her and her family. In some cases this is true. The many facets of Thai culture provides provisions for these poorer demographic. My concern is that this cultural norm seems to humour or defame the many hard working and passionate Thais within the region.

So what I'm trying to say is that in the face of adversity I choose to follow my instincts till the fail me. Some may say that my instincts have failed me on many occasions and this can be seen as true to a certain extent. One difference now is that, in time, I have learnt many things and can now way up my risks from a more experienced and mature state of mind.

For those that think I'm going a little coo coo with my prophetic and analytical view need not be concerned for my mental well being. I'm simply trying to express my opinion in the best possible English I can muster. Writing is a beautiful art if perfected and that is what I would like to attempt.

hehe Thanks to my dearest mother for raising me to respect the language and speak proper English. She is the first and only to critisise my grammar, punctuation and spelling.

Nengi's minimal theory of change within social relationships

This theory briefly covers my opinions of relationships between friends and lovers. I am aware that my analysis is brief at best. This is a simple observation from personal experience.

One should not expect substantial change in life due to the actions of others. My experience and that of those around me has emphasised the old saying "you can't change someone. They can only change themselves".

It can be quite unfortunate to experience this first hand. For me it was a situation of making certain actions and expecting some sort of appropriate reaction. But I must note that these issues cannot be predicted in any conventional manner. One must look at each individual circumstance for its own merits. Under most circumstances the individual will be mistaken either marginally or substantially. I feel I have been sorely mistaken. But in stead of being upset or confused I am simply willing to accept the inevitable. That all cannot be predicted. You may or may not change somebodies view or outlook but the result will rarely be as expected. An individual should not expect to change somebodies ways or ideologies as this would be perceived to be arrogant or naive.

We as a people walk a path of intermediary relationships of both lovers and friends. Sometimes the results of these relationships are less than desirable while at other times the sensations can be almost to rewarding. There must be an even medium within the realm social interactions where we can find long term lovers and friends. A place where we can be reassured of complete commitment from those we care for. I have attained a certain number of true friends I will hold dearly until the end of my existence but attaining true love is a far more complex task.

True love is surely not easy to come by. Why exactly, I do not know. But one thing I do understand is that everything changes when two so called lovers come together. When this romantic bond is established a situation arises that is completely incomparable to a purely friendship based relationship. Being one's friend and one's lover are two very separate things. Personalities change, idiosyncrasies come out and new individualism is formed.

"...it doesn't matter what you do. She is all the way over there and you are here. You are the one with something to lose" -Joe Frog

Below are some pictures from one of my days at Kangaroo Point.

Nengi

Blabber Mouth - 200 metres of fun - sanook mak mak

Just yesterday I embarked on one of my hair brain journeys. My friend and I travelled out to the Glasshouse mountains to send the classic Blabber Mouth. A nice grade 16 multipitch climb. It has 7 pitchs with bolts most of the way through the climb. Like many other easy climbs at Tibro there are sections of limited protection. Places where a fall could really mean trouble for your day half way up a 200 metre climb. But to me this all adds to the excitment.

I woke late at 0730 and quickly grabbed all my gear I had prepared the night before. My excitment was building as it had been many months since I had visited Tibro. I was looking forward to the adventure and fascination of being half way up a mountain. It is a sureal expirience and really puts you out of common surroundings. Humans were never meant to survive in a vertical environment. I got to My mates place by about 0830 and waited for him to ready himself for the days endurance activity.

We reached the mountain by about 1030 and started climbing at 1100. I did the first 3 pitchs and my mate did the next 2. I did the 6th and he did the 7th in true style as there is no protection at all for this 25 metre pitch. A complete solo but the grade is only 10 so it's not so couragous. That being said, you never know when a rock will come off in your hand and send you packing down to your demise. I love it more than you can imagine. Living out there on the edge. It keeps the blood moving.

We were behind scheduale and true Nengi form we completed the climb just as the sun was going down. It gives a great opportunity for some nice sunset photography at 200 metres above the ground. The real issue at hand though is that we have to climb down about 300 metres of 50 degree rock on the other side of the mountain to get back to the bottom. We had 1 head lamp between the 2 of us but managed to reach the bottom unscathed.

All in all it was a 12 and a half hour day from start to finish and now I am back here working my little butt off as usual. I can't wait till next weekend. I'm heading back to Mt Maroon. Should be very interesting. Hopefully I don't have the same results as my last trip to Maroon (traversing the side of the mount, searching for the tourist trail). Should be great anyway.

So now I am waiting again

So now I am waiting. I have been back in Australia for over a month now. Things seem to be starting to look up. Well, for now that is. I still have a lovely gal whom I would love to see educate herself here in Brisbane. She is happy, healthy and has had some fortunate luck with current job opportunities. My occupation here in Brisbane is starting to flourish and I'm sure it will be only to soon before I am up to my neck in paper work. Finally, I have a new house mate and he is from Malaysia. I look forward to learning something about his culture and I am sure he will learn something from living within mine.

My most recent endeavor has been to make contact with my father. It has been sometime since we have spoken and I am uncertain about what our future holds. We have much to catch up on and I hope we can still have some sort of father-son relationship. Many times I have thought about my father - usually on a daily basis. I feel that our lack of contact has been the cause of much distress to myself. I still feel the impact of this distance, even though it may seem be hidden at the bottom of my emotional being. My instinctive urge to have a father is really quite strong and I feel asthough I can possibly find some sort of resolution to our past issues.

My father was always a fairly cold man. With a hectic work schedule and, possibly, unsavoury childhood came a fairly impersonal father. He was never an emotionally conscious person and usually showed his love by emphasising the need for my brother and I to make something of our lives. My personal opinion was that he looked at happiness in the shape of dollar bills and respectability. Obviously that didn't go down well when I started smoking pot. But that was not the reason we stopped communicating. I would rather keep out of it now. Actually I have a feeling I may have covered some of the details in my first couple of posts. At any cost he was not like most fathers. But that does not change the way I feel about him. He is my father and I will love him like any child loves those that have given them life.

So admittedly I am delving into an area that is probably best left out of the international lime light. Let it be known that my compultion to speak these words is simply because I have felt the strong urge to voice my opinion and tell my stories ever since I ceased talking with my father. So I ask you father to be kind and loving and don't break my heart again. I am only human and this heart will not hold well if broken too many times.

My trip to Thailand seemed to teach me a thing or two about family values. Regardless of what your family has done in the past you must accept them for what and who they are. They are your blood line and you can never forget that. Nor can you ignore them, hoping they will vanish into the abyss. So I will try hold onto those family values and try to forget, or atleast put aside, my grievances until an appropriate time. Ofcourse I have wounds that I feel need healing but I would much rather rekindle my relationship with my father so I can one day live in harmony (metaphorically speaking) with my father and the rest of my family for that matter.

This knot in my stomach is growing as we speak. I am once again facing an unknown variable in this life. Anyone would think I was getting used to it but, as it seems, I am not. This knotting slowdown in my sense of time can make work difficult but I must remember there are two sides to life: hygiene needs (food, clothing and shelter) and there are emotional needs. I must learn to separate these so as I can continue with life, even if my new endeavor turns soar.

Please grant me the strength to follow my heart and let me be compassionate and tolerant to what I may find.

Nengi.