Reflections on the past

I feel that it is now important that I write something. Today, I started reading some of my posts from my time in Thailand. I reflected mostly on my time with Na, mainly because she epitomised my time spent there. I feel so sad to reflect on it. It saddens me to think of what might have been. Whether anyone believes it or not, I really wanted to be with her. I wanted a life with her.

However, what I find most unusual is that I looked at the photos I posted with a sense of deja vu. As though it were not me who spent 3 months with a girl from the Northeast of Thailand. I long to reattach myself to the memories I hold.

My temptation to return to those days is overwhelming, however traumatic they may have been. Obviously, I wont be going back to Thailand anytime soon. I simply miss the girl I grew so attached to; the girl I would have done anything for. Well, anything except go back to visit. Perhaps my revisiting Thailand, and Na, would have saved our relationship. Then again, one cannot make chaotic predictions based on the possibility of what might have been. Speculation is necessary on many occasions; however, speculation goes against what is seemed logical and responsible, when it comes to love and sacrifice.

Do I really mean that last statement?

Back home. This is home, for now.

ahhhhhhhh

I'm so tired. The product of a strange Friday night. I went to the Lion Hotel to meet old friends. heheh most didn't show but I had great fun, managed to meet some crazy Indian guy (actually he wasn't crazy as such), and spent the night at his mates house in the city.

Work is about to start, and I have buried myself further in debt. I have purchased a car, which I should get on Tuesday, and I'm starting to get excited about the trips to the Grampians and alike for climbing.

My work will hopefully consist of 50 hour weeks, most nights ending around 11 at night. At some stage I'll become accustomed to the routine; however, the early stages of this job will probably take its toll. The money is my prime motivator. I need to pay off all my debts before February and my adventures in Canberra.

Being back in Melbourne for 1 week now has made more excited about the future. I'll own a car for the first time in a couple of years, work for the first time since July, and see soooo many family friends that I haven't seen in many years.

I would love to elaborate more but I am now too tired and perplexed by my surroundings to be bothered.

Have a good one.

Freedom or Limited Freedom

I am finding it fascinating to observe the differences between myself and my landlord. She is Korean and has lived in Australia for around 20 years. She still holds true many old fashioned values from her home land. As an Australian I pride myself on the freedoms we, as Australians, are entitled to.

So, conflict arises when my complaints for invading our privacy without prior notice collide with her insistence on looking over us like some superior dictator. Arguable she requires respect because she is my elder; however, I understand that age is no grounds for respect. Those that deserve respect get it.

This discourse reminds me of the instance where my German house mates and I complained to no end about protecting our privacy; that my landlord cannot just enter our rooms when ever she feels the need, without notifying us. Then, when my Korean house mate complained, the landlord puts her rank in order. My house mate immediately submitted and my landlord retained her superiority over him.

hahahah It is quite amusing to see my landlord on the verge of tears because she can't accept the fact that westerners fight for the freedoms we hold dearly. Her son-in-law, on the other hand, has worked with Australians from many years and appreciates what I am fighting for. He understands our way of life and almost practices it as Australian born citizens do.

Sorry, my brain doesn't seem to be functioning properly, so you will just have to take this bad prose as it is. Maybe I'll be a little more inspired following my exams on Monday. Fantastic. The end of this stage of my life is almost over. Following this, the future is quite unknown. Canberra, Brisbane, Melbourne. The opportunities are endless.