So it appears, I'm not so happy anymore. And it's nobody's fault; actually, the fault for what happens in my life is ultimately my fault. But what I'm getting at is that blame between more than 1 person is dangerous, because nobody can truely see into someones mind. What's of fault to me may not be for another. But this isn't a blame game and that line of thought doesn't interest me.
Where is my head at the moment:
1. I'm not so motivated to study hard; however, my marks are OK. But ultimately, I want to be a productive student and most of all I want to see all that I can be. Especially with my language studies.
2. My emotional world is in turmoil. I need to calm my mind and focus on what is important now: School, Work, Sanity, and a living. I've got just a little while to go. Then I can move on for 3 months to come back fresh and ready to push further into this degree.
3. Economic factors are a big problem at the moment. Good thing about economic problems is that they can be overcome easily enough. However, I have noticed the effect of poverty on mental well being. I would say that financial stability plays a huge role in living a happy, whether meager or not, life.
Of course this over simplifies the answer, but I feel as though it's a start. To resolve the above would offer a good start to getting where I want to be. So there are the goals: motivate, de-emote and relax, and work on improving my financial situation, so as I can finally go to Thailand again and see what I have invested all this time for.
It's strange that I feel so scared to write what I feel on this blog again. There was a time when I was very much by myself, when I would write with most honesty to this blog. Now, I fear that I might reveal too much to those around me.
Nengi
