An anxious wait

Today has seen a new sense of urgency for my leaving. I only have 3 days until I leave the country and I would really just like to get my journey underway. My room still hasn't been filled yet but I have lost all care for this god-forsaken room. My budget seems to be inline anyway so I just want to get going.

I had the pleasure of briefly going out on the town last night. 2 of my house mates and I went to a pub in Brisbane. I am terrible at having a good time when I go out. Always concerned about peoples thoughts and opinions. The night ended after 35 dollars of bear, Macca's and a train home.

I put my sudden pessimism down to last night. I'm just not party material at the moment. Maybe my trip will change that. Then again maybe partying isn't really a skill I'm interested in.

1 week to go

I should be excited and happy about my trip but I find myself overly concerned with things outside my control. My infatuation with budgeting has turned out to be my down fall and finding a tenant for my room is becoming exceedingly difficult.

The budget was rock solid 2 weeks ago but now, as outgoing over runs topple and expected income is restricted, I am some what nautious. At any cost I can look forward to some sort of credit card debt when I get back. It has been said that many people come back from traveling holidays with some sort of debt but I was eagerly looking forward to coming back with some cash in my pocket for the commencement of my school year. We can't have everything and this is what forever drives me crazy. I struggled so hard to be frugal and economical but still I find additions to my budget which are just impossible to account for.

The prospect of finding a tenant for my room is frustrating to say the least. If I hear the words "I'll think about it one more time", I'll flip. Thinking about it can only take a couple of days in my situation. Without the reassurance of a tenant I feel like it will be a burden on my time while away. Having to pay rent while on holidays isn't my idea of fun.

So while I should be excited I am overly stressed about things beyond my control. Really I should simply understand the risks I am challenging and also understand that nothing is certain. Initially I thought my estimations were sure but now I am sure my budget over runs and unexpected costs will rule my thoughts until the day I leave. Hopefully no longer following my arrival in Bangkok.

There is also the new CMR regulations implemented by Australian Customs that plague my daily workload, but that is best left unspoken.

"...For someone that loves change it surely scares the living daylights out of me" Nengi

Photo I took while driving home. Well I was stopped at the lights so its ok. No effects, thats water on the windscreen.

Parties are strange occurrences

It's odd that I would think of Parties as strange occurrences. They are supposed to be about fun and socialising. But I find myself challenged by the prospect of baring all to the world. Parties are where people really get to know each other. It's like a pool of different souls swimming around with the chance of finding a new friend. Personally, I struggle with the concept.

It's my English house mates B'day today and I am dressed as a 1950's mountain climber. Baring all to the world. Well not all, but lets face it I look pretty silly. English housemate has a dress on that I think looks fine - she thinks she looks awful. And Mr PNG is in black and white shorts with a button up shirt, and Mr Vego is in a Leather jacket - "...Isn't it Ironic".

If you haven't already guessed, we are having a bad taste party. Admittedly my costume isn't so much bad taste as odd taste. I am the token rock climber in the house so of course I would dress up as a mountaineer. Really I just didn't want to dress up as a girl.

I'll leave this entry shorts as I might be critised for writing blog entries while there is a party going on.

Adios amigos

Nengi

Utter beauty with little English

I have been struggling to find a tenant for my room and time is running short for me now. My rental contract expires at the beginning of January and I can't afford to continue paying it while I am unemployed and traveling. Today I received a call from a perspective tenant and arranged for her to come see the room. She spoke marginal English and was unable to find her way to my place so I offered to pick her up. I'm just a big sucker, I know. This girl is possibly one of the most beautiful girls I have seen in my life. So delicate and fragile. I wonder if she climbs :oP - Probably not. So answer me this: Is it wrong to ask a girl out when she simply came to check out a room? I don't know really but what I do know is that I'm leaving in 3 weeks and it is probably not worth my while. I don't care though. Hormones are racing and I don't know what is right or wrong. HAHAHA indecision, that doesn't sound like me.

Anticipating the inevitable

I am anticipating the inevitable. Continually re-evaluating my preconceived notions of what to expect in a foreign country. Perhaps I am concentrating to much on what will go wrong and not enough on the sheer enjoyment and experience of traveling to lands afar. It seems that humans have the instinctive nature of preparing for the worst as opposed to anticipating the pleasures and enjoyment of future challenges. I am a pessimist at heart (with a dash of optimism) and can only imagine catching malaria or being ripped off by the local Tuk Tuk drivers. Relatively speaking, I'm sure all will be fine. My time will be spent traveling through culturally rich regions and lying on sun swept, secluded beaches.

Part of me hopes I might meet a fine lass but the pessimism sets back in and I realise that I cannot expect to have a secure relationship with someone that lives on the other side of the planet - not to mention my utter lack of confidence with regard to simply meeting a woman. A friendly couple I know met each other in Thailand and currently live in Brisbane together. One German male and one Australian female. So it can work out under certain conditions. Under my own conditions I only see disaster in such a relationship. Once again I anticipate to much. I need to live more for the moment and to try not to expect to much. As the saying goes "expect nothing and you will never be disappointed.

Some how I feel like I should be more philosophical, but in reality it is a time honoured tradition of mine to over think my issues and cause distress to me and those around me. Maybe the real philosophy should be that I will never know what to expect and attempting to predict the future will only cause confusion in the present.