Initially I was excited and enthralled by the idea of beginning uni again. Now I am sitting in my first lecture theatre, not as the sole student of Introduction to philosophy but as the most punctual (for now) student. More paranoid and bewildered actually. I am now feeling a sense of nervousness, not fear for whether I will succeed but a fear of the unknown. I had always prided myself on lavishing the excitement of looking into this great abyss but now I feel some what intimidated.
I'm lost for words. A revelation mentioned by many came to me. One cannot live with forever increasing highs for the lows will approach quicker than one would imagine. In my case this can come on a daily or even hourly basis. I must learn or atleast try to reduce the contrast of my highs and lows. Mind you, most would suggest I am trivialising my concerns. They would be right.
So how does one try remove themselves from these, seemingly uncontrollable, emotional roller coaster rides. Only through time with much reflection and pride through ones..... What am I saying? I wouldn't know. Perhaps I can receive some quality advice and a stern kick in the bum.
"STOP THINKING INTERNALLY AND FOCUS ON THOSE EXTERNAL INPUTS YOU REQUIRE. TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE..." I already regret that last statement.
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Ok so now I am out of my first lecture and frankly it was great. I spoke a couple of times and realised this brain does still work outside my consciousness. Philosophy is going to be a fascinating subject. Soon enough I will be pulling my hair out to conclude this semester successfully but I think things are atleast moving in the right direction.
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