What a great process of healing. I still feel immense pain at the moment. However, unlike before where I was unable to control myself, sneaking around on unhealthy pursuits for something I can never attain, nor should I want to; now, I feel the pain but know that there are certain actions that should take place to move forward into the next stage of my life. It still makes me a little uncomfortable to face this new challenge, for it means that I can never attain what I had over the last year. Even the simple fact that I'm finally writing in my blog after such a long time shows that what occurred over the last year was monumental slow down in my lively progression. And now I approach my new life with apprehension, but also with some curiosity.
The wat in Canberra is a somewhat more modern architectural design, but it isn't the design that makes a spiritual place. I felt terrible that I couldn't bring food for the monks and I wasn't sure if I would feel welcome (crazy, I know, because there probably isn't a temple in this world that wouldn't be happy to welcome any new visitors). I am still learning the art and practice of Buddhist worship or fellowship if you will. It's strange to feel some uneasiness in the temple because I'm embarrassed at how little I know. It was a beautiful experience and I am in the process of becoming better because of my new found direction.
Things aren't ok, but hopefully soon they will be. I need to move beyond this paradigm (being my current social network, my current way of viewing certain people, and these negative thoughts towards certain people which just wont leave my active mind - which I might add are mostly unjustified).
Look forward to the future, embrace the past, but don't let the past dictate my future actions. The time is now and I can't let my past plague what happens next.
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